Technology has a way of making life that little bit easier, us that little bit lazier and now breakups that little bit less painful. Breakup apps are a thing. Not just one thing, but 88 things that you can easily download to your phone. Here are a few of our favourites:
KillSwitch promises to do what you’d rather not right after a break up: it removes all tagged posts and images that involve your ex from your Facebook and promises to do so discreetly. It stores all of the images in a hidden album on your Facebook with the intention that you will «laugh at them later.» Pretty smart, right? Yes and no. It’s perfect for the cheating ex, the stalker ex, or the ex you wish you never dated, but for the simple parting of ways it’s a little dramatic. It may make all of your mutual friends cringe at the idea that you’ve spent your Saturday night trawling through old photos with a tub of ice cream providing the emotional support.
KillSwitch gets three broken hearts out of five for taking the emotionally exhausting process of deleting the past out of your hands, but it’s not for every breakup.
Let’s be serious, if you think you can well and truly manage to restrain yourself from calling an ex after one too many tequila shots you are kidding yourself. DrunkDial acts as your address book for nights out: all of your contacts are listed as they are in your address book however three math questions must be answered in a race against a clock, testing your sobriety before you can make a call. For those anti- mathletes much like myself who have trouble with these questions plain sober, it definitely serves its purpose after a few drinks! Whilst there are many nights in my past where I wish I had this ingenious app on my phone, I can safely say that it’s the best way to save yourself the embarrassment of saying many things that you wish you hadn’t the morning after. It most certainly serves its purpose and for those who just love a good night out – breakup or no breakup – this may the job-saving, intervention-avoiding app for you!
This app gets a whopping four broken hearts out of five for its ingenuity and because if solving three maths questions when you’re blind drunk is simple for you, maybe you should call your ex and tell them they made a big mistake.
So I opened this app, did a quick scroll of its features, threw up and then proceeded to delete it. Not only does this app let people rate you out of five but it also allows underage users to sign up. All of which obviously work to prove its intention of taking the «embarrassment and awkwardness out of rebound dating.» I can’t think of anything more comfortable than chatting to seventeen-year-olds about the perils of breakups and having said seventeen-year-old rate you anything under five stars. That will be sure to do plenty for your bruised ego and ability to continue on into, say, a date based on common interest rather than mutual heartbreak, or maybe some plain old healthy time alone.
This app gets one broken heart out of five. Just so it knows how its users feel when a fellow user rates them anything below a five. Thanks for being as useful as a Cosmo article about getting through a breakup. Yes Cosmo, I will look in the mirror everyday and tell myself I’m beautiful, right after I chat to Mr Four Stars over here on RebounDate.